i'd like some pants to match that hairshirt, please

The girl-child has been home for a week. What a delight it is to have her home. I heard someone use the phrase "an embarrassment of riches" the other day. I know it has negative connotations of excess and materialism but the expression reminds me of how I feel about my family.

Anyway, having her around brings to mind many a silly anecdote from her childhood. When she and her older brother were young and would squabble, as siblings do, I would sometimes lose patience, as parents do, and yell at them,

"If you two don't stop bickering this minute, I'm going to drive down the courthouse and change your names to Buford and Eunice."

The Yankee sarcasm was lost on them but they knew that I was rounding the patience bend, so they usually took a break from battle.

Years later, my sweet daughter (hands down, the more compliant of the two) told me that she always thought that I was saying,

"I'm going to change your names to Buford and Anus."

She thought I was going to rename her Anus. Who would threaten to rename her offspring after a bodily orifice as punishment? Evidently, the woman who writes this blog, that's who. Me, Epiphagina.