Today's topic: Twitter and Facebook Status Updates; Who Gives a Shit? may irritate some people. Well, then we're even.
Sure. There are worthwhile twitter and status entries amidst the update sludge being spewed out like factory offal into the ocean. Just like there are worthwhile comments following the news stories in the Chronicle. If you wade through a lot of floating three-eyed fish and old condoms you're sure to find a completely serviceable milk crate (just wash it off, it'll be fine!).
I admit it. It's easier to poke fun than to provide constructive criticism. But constructive criticism is for thesis advisors, pastors and therapists. Not for my meanderings. Okay, shit. I'll try and be more...constructive. Here are my suggestions for improving banal status posts:
Tedious status update
Improved status update
|Boy, am I tired.|
Boy, am I tired of embezzling.
Thank goodness it's Friday.
|Thank goodness it's Friday, my BDSM dungeon is open late.|
I'm eating some oatmeal.
I'm eating some oatmeal and found a boll weevil.
I hate my job.
I hate my job and I brought gasoline in my lunch bag.
I am so happy to be outside.
I am so happy to be outside buck naked.
I am walking the dog.
I am walking the dog and can't stop thinking about taxidermy.
I'm making an omelette.
I'm making an omelette for 350 people.
Life is wonderful.
Life is wonderful with two sets of genitalia.
I heart diet coke.
|I heart diet coke enemas.|
I've met a great guy!
|I've met a great guy who gave me scabies!|
We're on our way to visit family.
We're on our way to visit family and I'm high as a kite.
Just had a yummy tall, lowfat, extra shot Starbucks caramel macchiato.
I'm a marketer's wet dream.
Do you see where I'm going with this? Just a little more information and your status updates become snippets of joy. You don't have to thank me.
(Go on, you try it: leave me a comment about your improved one-liners.)