Wednesday, February 16, 2011

sometimes I just have to talk to myself

[13:36] Me: Homepage story link: Texas Baptists reduce number of missionaries on border
[13:36] Me: Guess we're not 100% sure the big guy is going to back us up, eh?

[13:38] Me: And for today's prostitution low: a banner for Exxon Mobile with the heading, "A history of commitment to the environment"
[13:38] Me: I should burst into flames.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

retracting my breakup

Not quite a year ago I wrote a post about my disillusionment with America's Test Kitchen/Cook's Illustrated online. I won't go over that material, it only serves to make me look even more spineless.

In the name of partial truth reporting, I must admit that I caved. I folded. I took the jewelry and got back with my sugar daddy. Reunited with residual bitterness. It's all so tawdry but I am a slut for food science.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

i heart isabella rossellini

Most happy couples should have sexual fidelity exceptions: the person(s) with whom a partner could fuck, without breaking the relationship. On my list would be Tom Waits (of course), Helen Mirren and without exception: Isabella Rossellini. I just saw another of Rossellini's Seduce Me videos (following the Green Porno series) and I swoon. Here is Noah's Ark:

Intelligent, sexy, funny and beautiful. That, my friends, is a woman to lust after.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

in over your well-coiffed head?

If you owe anywhere near $729,000, you don't get to be a part of any government program with the word “Affordable” in it.

Suck it up. You have a three-quarters of a million dollar home. Rent rooms. Sell your furniture for kindling. Buy a mobile home. Turn it into a whorehouse. A Meth lab. Pimp your kids. Be enterprising, motherfucker, you qualified for that loan at one point.

And by the way, you forever lose the right to pule about welfare taxes sucking up your hard-earned money.