Saturday, August 02, 2008

are those tea stains on your form?

A dear friend of mine was applying for a job and needed to go pee in a cup. (You know, to make sure he wasn't computer programming under the influence.) He was faxing lab paperwork to the potential drug-free employer and I requested a copy because: a) he showed it to me and b) I have no shame.

The form was entitled URINE CHAIN OF CUSTODY FORM (caps are theirs and I swear I heard an industrial door slam shut at the end of it). So serious we are about our urine! The document was certified by, you guessed it, the Signature of Collector. Complete with Collector's Name. (What does your Daddy do for a living? He's a Collector. Of Urine. We beam with pride.)

Finally, at the top of Acme* Lab's officious trip-/quintup-/sextup-licate form was this:


Please tell me there's someone snickering in the design department at Forms 'R Us.

This is as good as the brown colon cancer wristbands that so delighted me in Aught Six.
Note: Oddly enough, Anti-Tobacco is also represented by brown wristbands. And Colon Cancer/Colorectal Cancer now have an alternate color (blue) for the shit-brown-squeamish among us.

*Name changed to protect the pee-stained reputation of the real lab.

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