Tuesday, March 06, 2007

the wacko cracko world of dolls

Sometimes an epiphenita is nothing more than remembering a soft-focus childhood moment in the harsh light of maturity and education. Digging around the doll graveyard dredged up the following oddities:

Tiffany Taylor Doll 1974-76 (Ideal Toy Corp)


"She's blonde, she's brunette! 19 inches of what you want her to be. To change hair color quick-as-a-wink rotate top of her head." So what is it about being about to rotate a doll's scalp 180° that seems kind of nauseating? I mean, is having reversible hair worth all that violence?

Mommy's Having A Baby 1992 (Tyco)



Well. I'm of two minds on this failed attempt. It's not a bad idea to demystify pregnancy and defy the yuck attitudes surrounding it. That's a good thing.
However, here are just a sprinkling of my concerns with preggo doll:

  • First, she looks like she's 8 years old. That's creepy.
  • Second, the baby comes out of a fold of her dress. Now, I suspect we're not ready for Vaginal Delivery Mommy (with Velcro®!) but on a topic which is so poorly addressed with most children, I am put off by this sanitized version of birth.
  • Third, immediately upon giving birth Mommy is standing there in her perfect size 8 sundress with her clean, quiet infant and nary a milk stain on her petite plastic breasts. We must stop lying to the children. Especially to the little girls who will grow up to be royally pissed off post-partum mothers.

Growing Up Skipper (and her brunette afterthought clone: Growing Up Ginger) 1975-77 (Mattel)




Finally, the pièce de résistance and inspiration for today's walk down mammary lane. First, the mechanics: Skipper is a nice little girl until your crank her arm around clockwise at which point her waist (freakishly) elongates and her flat chest sprouts demure breasts. Voila! she is transformed into a nubile teen.

Once again, I'm split on this intellectually. Those crazy toy designers at Mattel gave conservative and traditional dollery the heave-ho and tackled the uncharted borderlands of toy puberty.
I give kudos to the attempt, however unsuccessful.

Then again, there are so many things wrong with this. Not the least of which is the number of SkipperGinger dolls who became amputees due to the "enthusiastic" arm twisting by many a little boy, and truth be told, quite a number of little girls. Because Logic bates you: if one revolution gives you a B cup, what would you have after three?


1 comment:

lf said...

Mary has a cool keychain with a rubber skull that you can squeeze and bloody eyeballs pop out. I think they should make a new version of the Mommy's having a baby doll that squirts out a bloody baby when you squeeze her belly. Think of the fun you could have over and over and over... It would take you back to your days in Utah.