Sunday, March 11, 2007

crazy old man

Robert is the senior citizen who lives next door to us. For years, I just referred to him as old fucker. He is racist, sexist and has a tendency to impose himself like a sticky booger. I suspected that he was not "right in the head" since we first moved here 13 years ago but he was such an irritation that I couldn't dredge up much compassion over this. He lives in the house that I believe he grew up in. He lived there with his mother until she passed away. Like 100 years ago.

He has a couple of "friends" who are homeless or not all there either. Most of the time their exchanges consist of yelling at each other through his screen door. Sometimes they are fighting and sometimes they are just conversing. Sometimes, I wish I owned a fire hose.

Ocassionally, it gets too loud to ignore. Then it is ALL I can do to resist bellowing from my front porch, "Would you two nutcakes please hold it down? I know it's hard to hear yourselves speak over the voices in your heads but I am going to have to apply for membership in your batshit crazy club if you don't fucking learn to rant more quietly." I do resist, however, because recently Robert came by and explained through his saliva-encrusted lips that he has The Alzheimers. It takes some of the steam out of my vehemence and helps me to retract my claws. A little.

Our tenant recently had piano movers come and move a little upright piano into his garage apartment. Robert saw the moving truck and asked anyone who made eye contact with him that day, "Are the lesbians moving?" "Do you think the two lesbians are moving out?" "I think the lesbian woman are moving!" Even his enthusiasm didn't piss me off.