GEM ONE of TWO
Happened upon two gems in my cyber travels recently.
The first is SlidellBaptistSeminary.org (I won't even link to it because I can't bear to increase their site traffic. Go there if you don't believe me but you'll only have yourself to blame for the retinal scarring.) A few golden snippets from their page on Doctrine:
3. We believe that man is totally depraved, a sinner in both nature and practice, therefore totally separated from God, totally lost...And here are some beauties under Course Descriptions:
There are few things that get me off faster than being called totally depraved. Where do I sign up?
9. We believe that the Bible is the Word of God and is the absolute authority in determining the faith and practice of God’s people. We affirm that the sixty-six books of the Bible are inerrant, divinely and uniquely inspired, and [yadda, yadda, virgin-v'jay-jay, yadda, yadda]...
Have these folks every played Telephone? (Or as the politically insensitive call it: Chinese Whispers or Russian Scandal.)
Inerrant? As in:
in·er·rant /ɪnˈɛrənt/ [in-er-uhnt]
free from error; infallible.
Nothing new, this literal Bible thing. It just never ceases to amaze me how blithely Fundamentalism kicks Logic right off the cliff.
|SURVEY OF THE CULTS||An investigation of the Doctrine of Mormonism, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Armstrongism, Christian Science, Unity and others. Attention is also given to the founding fathers.|
|PERSONAL EVANGELISM||This is an interesting course in personal soul winning. It is comprehensive in that it deals with the “how to” in soul winning.|
|ADVANCED EVANGELISM||This is an advanced course dealing with soul winning. This course, taught by Dr. Dabdoub deals with different scenarios that the soul winner will face during door to door soul winning...|
|APOLOGETICS 1||This is an advanced study, taught by Dr. Dan Botterbrodt, dealing with the subjects of Evolution and the Cults.|
Look, obscure words used to sound more...academical...academicky:
|HOMILETICS||This course, taught by Pastor Phillip Weaver, offers an introduction to homiletics, which is the art of preaching. Varied considerations for [blah, blah, blah-fuckity-blah] ...sermon delivery.|
|HERMENEUTICS||This course, taught by Phillip E. Weaver deals with the process of biblical interpretation.|
On October 9, 1997, after being examined educationally, ethically, and spiritually, SBS qualified for accreditation by the American Accrediting Association of Theological Institutions, Inc. of Rocky Mount, North Carolina.
According to the satanic wizards over at Wikipedia:
American Accrediting Association of Theological Institutions (AAATI) is a Christian nonprofit organization offering educational accreditation, based in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. It was formed in 1983. The composition of the board is unknown. According to Steve Levicoff, it is an accreditation mill operated by Dr. Cecil Johnson, president of Christian Bible College, a distance education Bible college based in Rocky Mount that Levicoff identifies as a diploma mill.(ugly tables, theirs; inconsistent italicizing/bolding for emphasis, all mine.)
AAATI is not recognized as an accreditor by either the United States Department of Education and Council for Higher Education Accreditation.
I have to stop. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. A tiny barrel and a howitzer.
GEM TWO of TWO
This second site is proof that the righteous surfer shall be rewarded.
- Provides a darling, Mrs. Rubblesque nickname for your lady parts: Betty
- Gives wordsmiths a plethora of tagline fun:
Betty Color; Not just for merkins anymore!
Betty Color; Paint your pudenda!
Betty Color; Color for your cooch!
- Creates endless opportunity for coining new phrases about making your hairs all matchy-matchy:
- Coordinate your collar to your cuff.
(gobless your betty-free heart, Giuseppe,
for sending me this link.)
- Order carpet to match the drapes.
- Sync up your 'do and hoo-hoo.
- Match your mullet and muff.
- Get your bob and beaver on the same page.