Saturday, January 19, 2008

crappy over processed slogan

So I'm taking metro light rail to the dentist the other day, inwardly amused at my public transportation smuggery. You know, riding with the regular folk and all, and doing a smidgen (which is half a pinch or 1/32 tsp, for anyone who gives a shit) to reduce auto emissions. Not to mention that riding a train in an urban area on a rainy day is chock full of anecdote potential. And this one didn't disappoint.

Seated across from me is a large...person. A Pat on first and second glance, wearing a C.O.P.S. baseball cap. Normally, anyone sporting marketing fodder from one of those craptacular FOX shows wouldn't rate a second look but Pat's cap seems, I don't know, out of place on his/her androgynoggin. So I look a little closer and lo and behold, Pat's not humming "Bad boys, bad boys" after all.

This C.O.P.S. stands for Christians Obediently Preaching Salvation. How's that for a forced acronym? (I almost pulled an ocular muscle avoiding eye contact; no point bringing up the dead end, albeit joyful, subject of my personal damnation.) And yet, the marriage of the seemingly divergent ideas of Preaching and Policing is as natural in our twisted reality as a Crucifix on a Klansman. They should create a spin-off where clergy tackle criminals and force them to declare Jesus Christ as their personal savior on national television. The show will look EXACTLY the same except they'll read them a sermon instead of their rights. Hey, I'm copyrighting this idea, you scumbags at FOX, and I've got at least 8 witnesses here.


Mr. Ding said...

Sinner! I'm calling Pat and giving him/her your home address and phone.

I suspect you will be fast friends after his/her first all-night hymn-singing vigil for your eternal soul.

I told him/her you were free tonight. I hope that's ok.

Epiphenita said...

i am SO filling out a come-visit-me-i'm-interested card in your name. the mormon missionaries will be by in the morning to take you to church.

Dr.Ding said...

Best. Post. Ever.