Friday, April 03, 2009

diary serendipity, part two

Wednesday, 8/29/01
Saying Goodbye

Am leaving in the morning for Boston...couldn't bear the thought of Dave* dying without saying goodbye face-to-face.

The tumor is completely untreatable. It's not localized...more like a snake with tentacles than a mass. I talked to him last Friday. Profoundly upsetting—the cranial swelling is affecting his communication/thought processes. He can't find words...or remember his children's names. Jesus Christ what a tragedy; he's such an articulate man. He has periods of greater lucidity between bouts of confusion. And he's completely aware of his condition.

The doctor said he could live 2 weeks or 2 years...but his ability to function may be seriously compromised before too long.

Feel like I'm throwing out disjointed pieces of a horror story. Can't even begin to express the pain my children are experiencing. Their brave/numb/stricken responses would thaw the most jaded heart. Washington University will defer Daughter's scholarship till next semester—she's moving to Boston in the next week or so. My son will be going there in the fall instead of moving back here as he'd planned.

And all you can do and look around and find yourself ass-deep in clichés...because clichés are just common-sense truths that have been beaten to a pulp.

*I'm using his fairly common name instead of constantly referring to him as "my ex" which seems too, too...cold.

part one     part three

2 comments:

vikki said...

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

epiphenita said...

Thank you Vikki. This was such a difficult time. When I look back, I'm just feel grateful for the lack of trauma in my life today.