Thursday, February 04, 2010


Definition of insanity:
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

This is the suicide note my nephew left on the white board in his room before he killed himself yesterday. (The saying is attributed to Albert Einstein...for whatever sad irony that is worth.)

He'd been plagued by a number of physical illnesses, the worst of which was Crohn's disease. The terrible pain overlapping the depression overlapping the prospect of more pain proved too overwhelming for him to bear.

I grieve for him. I grieve for his parents, burying their 30-year old son. I grieve for his grandmother, with whom he lived for the past few years and mourn the end of their gentle symbiotic relationship. He helped her do the things around the house and yard that even the hardiest (and she is) 84-year old can no longer do alone. She made sure his ravaged digestive system got the healthiest food possible and provided him a place to rest and heal. In her hard life, she buried an infant son, a 21-year old daughter and her 46-year old eldest son, my children's father. Her own husband died suddenly at 50. And now this dear grandson killed himself in the basement room where he lived in her house.* She is stoic and staunch in her religion but this must shake her world.

And my heart breaks for my children. Lars was born less than six weeks after my son. He was his closest cousin; when I spoke to my son last week, he was worried about his cousin's health. The friendship between Lars and my daughter has been a wonderful thing to watch blossom as they've become adults.

And now he's gone and so is his pain. And that's the only cliché that gives me any comfort right now.

*As it turns out, he did not die in her home but in his car.


linafuh said...

I'm thinking of him, his family and you and yours. I know what it's like to lose a family member to suicide. No matter the reason, it's always heartbreaking. Love you, Enita!

Epiphenita said...

Thank you so much, my friend. The shock wears off and the sadness settles in but time will wash some of it away eventually.

e. said...

i was so sorry to read this... obviously, you and your entire family are in my thoughts. please let me know if there's anything i can do. (even if it's as simple as bringing by a bottle of bacardi black.)

Epiphenita said...

Thank you, my dear man. We're leaving to visit family in Florida tomorrow and the timing is sadly perfect. It will be a comfort to be there. My kids will fly to SLC in a few days for the service.

Barry Baxter said...

Incredibly sad. I'm so sorry.

StevensVox said...

So sorry for you & your family, and sad for all that Lars had gone through. Thinking of you and wishing you strength, comfort and a safe journey home.

オテモヤン said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
皮東 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.