outlook

In this case, I am actually referring to the (hiss) Microsoft product...but in a generic sort of way. Outlook is the ubiquitous corporate email and scheduling standard. Like many such programs, it provides single click access to your calendar and a laundry list of customizable features.

Whenever I begin to forget why I chose the worker bee tier on the corporate organization chart (or what I affectionately like to call, The Circle Jerk Goes Rectangular) I click on my Outlook calendar and bask in the pristine, sandy beach of the No Meetings Resort. No meetings. Or very, very few. That's the price I pay for passing on the higher salary/bigger office perks of being a manager. What a deal. I get to do what I like to do and don't have to sit around in corporate meetings that bore and irritate the everloving shit out of me. It's a healthy reminder of a conscious choice.

The other Outlookish benefit is the Rules feature. Sort of like call blocking or screening but much more specific. I wish to god I had this power in my personal life. For instance, you currently can block calls from a pesky acquaintance or screen a loquacious relative but you can't specify a situational exception—the call would come through if the topic was, let's say, a death in the family or hey, a tornado is heading your way. Anyway, with Outlook, you can make a rule to move group-addressed emails from a nuisance co-worker right into your crap folder. However, if you are working on a project with said nuisance, any email specifically addressed to you will come through without a hitch. Perhaps you have a friend 3 degrees removed who insists on sending you one of the cursed three "j" emails (junk, jesus, jokes), you could specify a schlock topic that would hit your "j" filter and clatter to the ground unseen.

And don't get me started on the real life needs for an an equivalent to the escape key, delete key and undo function. You know you have reached the no-return level of computer nerdiness when you are pouring seasoning into your pasta sauce, the perforated seasoning lid falls off and a decent sauce is instantly oregano-poisoned...and your first thought is "Control-Z, Control-Z, dammit!"