Wednesday, November 09, 2005

only halfway home, it seems

It occurred to me the this past week that I've lived in Houston for exactly half of my life: 23-1/2 years. That's amazing since I came here from New York under protest. But I never expected to fall in love with Texas nor with a Texas woman. But I did. Raised my family here, went to college here, enjoyed a career here and bought a wonderful old, needy house here.

I'm not sure why some people are content to move from place to place while others are inclined to settle down immediately. Oh, there are theories but sometimes it feels like it's coded on your DNA...it's such a primal pull to nest or wander. I'm not quick to make major decisions—particularly about where I hang my hat. I circle, I sniff, I investigate, I weigh options. It's maddening to the people around me, I'm sure. But once I've decided, I'm pretty much immoveable.

So I applied for adoption. Gave up my New York residency literally and figuratively and became a Texan. I love this place in all it's contradictory, arrogant splendor. My roots have grown deep and this is home.

Last night, for the first time in over 20 years, I began to think of leaving. Leaving my big city and my beloved house. Leaving the tang and twang of a culture that taught me to wear cowboy boots and eat spicy food. Leaving a city of full of fascinating people and dear friends. Proposition 2 passed yesterday by a heartbreaking 76%:

    Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman. [already a law]
    This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage. [my italics]
Oh, shit, people. Fear and Bigotry. It's not political anymore, it's personal. You have said in one loud ignorant voice that my relationship of 19 years deserves no respect and no protection. That all feeble protections I've eked out of the system (domestic partner coverage, hospital privileges, last wills, etc.) over the last few years are up for grabs. Back into that legal limbo freefall without a landing pad.

Where will we go? Will anyplace ever feel this much like home again?

3 comments:

Lori said...

we're still thinking canada. Optometrists are on the list for needed occupations. should we check on graphic artists?

Epiphenita said...

you know you are right. for some stupid reason, i refused to believe this was actually going to happen. i'd like to think my head-in-the-sand (or or more appropriately, up-my-ass) approach is uncharacteristic...but if experience is a teacher, this one gives my pessimism a big shot in the arm. btw, i am afraid graphic designers are frightfully common here and north of the border... let's see, what job do the Canadians eschew? shock jocks? fast food managers? evangelists?

Texas2Tennessee said...

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