v, as in viscerate

Contest
For those of you who are not Violent Acres...um, fans seems like the wrong word...part of the VA coven is dark but too gendered and icky wicca. Perhaps: Members of the Violent Acres Legion of the Damned. That has a nice ring to it. Anyhow, if you don't think V is funny and offensive and completely wrong and totally right, then just skip this post.

VA has an ongoing catchphrase contest.* Here are two entries for my first go 'round. Shit. I used my first submission as the title of this post.

Violent Acres
V, as in Viscerate.

That only leaves me with this one:

Violent Acres
Celebrating the burr up her ass.

Wait. Another inspiration:

Violent Acres
Not to be confused with Violin Takers.

Okay, that's lame. No matter how much I enjoyed it. One more for the road and it's not original enough, so don't use it or those geniuses from marriedtothesea will block me from ever reading their site again:

Violent Acres
She'll fuck up your bowl of gruel, son.

Last VA comment today
A few posts ago, V toyed with her Mormon coworker. Led him to believe there was a hope of conversion (Queers get toasters for converts...I bet Mormons get crockpots...and Pampers) and then dashed his earnest hopes by saying that she had a revelation that she would be the next Mormon Prophet. Having survived Mormonism myself, I had a big laugh over that one. However, the funniest follow-up to her patriarchal blasphemy was that google ads seems to have latched on to the keyword "mormon" and her site is chock full of LDS-inspired ads. Sort of like these: mormonbridesforsale.com, funkymormonunderwear.com, meetamormonandmakebabies.com

That is perfect cybermarketing irony.

*I'm above-average tech savvy but there are cosmic holes in my cybershit. I'm supposed to link back to Violent Acres (I keep typing Virulent Acres for some strange reason) and I hope this link will suffice.

way to prate in '08

The Rude Pundit ran a little impromptu (?) haiku contest summing up 2007. I am tickled to have had two of my bastardized japanese poetry concoctions chosen. Nay, heading the list. Rude Pundit, I am honored.

If you're linkaphobic, here they are:

the year of living less freely
didja see those guys
gang-bang the constitution?
motherfuckers all.

election year sports
we brown folk and queers-
neocons' fav boogeymen-
sick of being used.

[I can't wait for the limerick contest.]

And cheers to more happy word abuse:

Remember the Washington Post's sometime word competition (add/change a letter in an established word and make a new one)? Well, here's an overheard in new york beauty:

JAP #1: Is he a Juddhist?
JAP #2: A what?
JAP #1: You know, a Jew Buddhist.
JAP #2: Oh, yeah, totally.

--7 train

and a golden one from my son about his internet-unsavvy friends:

They're so nonline.
[Used without permission. Sorry son, it was just too good and I couldn't wait. I'll will you the gigantic frying pan. Don't tell your sister.]

Happy 2008 people. Resist the urge this year to constantly rhyme '08 with some lame ass saying like It's Not Too Late in Aught Two Double-Oh Eight. Shit.