wherein i call v.a. an idiot

I'm probably going to regret this but here goes. I'm a fan of Violent Acres as you can see by the link thing over to your left somewhere. I love her bluntness and how she tells her life story without self-pity or sentimentality. From time to time, however, she posts something so fucktarded I can hardly contain myself. But I do. Because like her or not, bitch will be vicious. I'm not usually all that inclined to poke the hornets' nest.

That said, this post was simply too ridiculous to ignore. I will do the point-by-point thing and if you have no interest, you can stop right here. V's blog entry is italicized, my commentary is bolded.

The problem with Atheists is most of them are snobs.

Atheists think they’re being clever with their spaghetti monster analogies and fairy tale rhetoric, but at the end of the day, they come off sound like condescending pricks.

From the Queen of the Condescending Pricks? What a compliment. And that Flying Spaghetti Monster analogy is a bit esoteric, I suppose, I mean making a metaphor about fanatical belief. Shit. Satire is for suckers.

Furthermore, any group of people claiming superior intelligence that willingly engages in the fight of a losing battle automatically loses credibility. However, Atheists are too dumb to realize they’re fighting a losing battle, so they persist with the lecturing and the withering stares. Atheists have singled handedly ruined coffee shops with this crap.

Now this one is going to bring out my snobbery because it is as logical as saying "if you're the only one who believes the way you do, just shut up, loser! You're too dumb to understand that the majority is never going to respect freedom from religion. You're losing the battle to the faithful, stupid atheist, so stop talking about your non-belief right now and get out of my coffee shop."

I, myself, have not been able to claim belief in a higher power for many, many years. However, I can still see the value in Religion. Perhaps growing up without a strong parental figure in my life made me recognize the possible value of a loving Father figure up in the sky watching out for me. And hey, I try my best not forget that sometimes we all need something to believe in.

Well, aren't you the poster child for Mommy was a hateful bitch and all I want is a benevolent male role model [like God!] in my life? So, you don't believe but you're content to have that picket crammed up your ass while you perch on the fence. Hedge your bets. That's a respectable position.

Most Atheists have the tendency to thumb their noses at Jesus, and then log onto World of Warcraft so they can pretend to be an orc for a couple of hours. They sneer at the Bible, but have no problem playing endless hours of vampire role playing games. The message is clear. Fantasies are OK as long as they include gratuitous violence and some sort of porn.

This one is my favorite. Most atheists play WOW, love violence and soft porn? I had no fucking idea. Really? Most of the atheists I've met were, well, blow me, they were seriously philosophical about belief, not hateful. And most came to atheism after years of religious searching.

With what kind of characters are you having atheism discussions? I mean the ones you describe might be creepy if they talked about Sunday School...wait, I know some of those! Let me judge all of Christianity on a few oddballs immersed in WOW, drooling over the gargantuan tits spilling out of cartoon bustiers and getting hard on virtual violence.

According to you, it's clear atheists think that "fantasies are OK as long as they include gratuitous violence and some sort of porn." So accepting Christianity as a fantasy is okay? Self-delusion is fine–just don't shoot any fake people or ogle them cybertits.

Note: any atheist who hates video games and violence [I'm not dissing soft porn here] can forget this particular point but remember, you're still a goddamn snob.

It’s no wonder Religious folks don’t take them too seriously. Even the Quiet Intellectual Atheist comes across as if he’s only denying belief to be aversive. It’s hard not to pity the guy addicted to nonconformity like an addict to a needle.

I know lots of religious folks who are freaked out by atheists. And to claim that people who don't believe are denying belief just to be "aversive" sounds seriously like, "Oh, come on now, honey, you are shouting NO but you really want it, don't you?"

[By the way, I don't think you mean "denying belief to be 'aversive'" as aversive is usually used as an adjective and the noun definition seems a little murky here. Maybe you mean contrary or antagonistic. Damn, there I go being all snobby and shit.]

Oh, the irony. Being "addicted to nonconformity" is something you seem especially good at.

Stop being so simple-minded, V. You are actually too smart for logic this holy...oh, I kill myself. I know, just go to Christian coffee shops! That way you won't have to deal with the phony, snobby, withering non-believers.

So believe whatever you want and so will I. But if you shit on my lack of belief, at least be better informed and talk to some thinking atheists.

v, as in viscerate

Contest
For those of you who are not Violent Acres...um, fans seems like the wrong word...part of the VA coven is dark but too gendered and icky wicca. Perhaps: Members of the Violent Acres Legion of the Damned. That has a nice ring to it. Anyhow, if you don't think V is funny and offensive and completely wrong and totally right, then just skip this post.

VA has an ongoing catchphrase contest.* Here are two entries for my first go 'round. Shit. I used my first submission as the title of this post.

Violent Acres
V, as in Viscerate.

That only leaves me with this one:

Violent Acres
Celebrating the burr up her ass.

Wait. Another inspiration:

Violent Acres
Not to be confused with Violin Takers.

Okay, that's lame. No matter how much I enjoyed it. One more for the road and it's not original enough, so don't use it or those geniuses from marriedtothesea will block me from ever reading their site again:

Violent Acres
She'll fuck up your bowl of gruel, son.

Last VA comment today
A few posts ago, V toyed with her Mormon coworker. Led him to believe there was a hope of conversion (Queers get toasters for converts...I bet Mormons get crockpots...and Pampers) and then dashed his earnest hopes by saying that she had a revelation that she would be the next Mormon Prophet. Having survived Mormonism myself, I had a big laugh over that one. However, the funniest follow-up to her patriarchal blasphemy was that google ads seems to have latched on to the keyword "mormon" and her site is chock full of LDS-inspired ads. Sort of like these: mormonbridesforsale.com, funkymormonunderwear.com, meetamormonandmakebabies.com

That is perfect cybermarketing irony.

*I'm above-average tech savvy but there are cosmic holes in my cybershit. I'm supposed to link back to Violent Acres (I keep typing Virulent Acres for some strange reason) and I hope this link will suffice.

weighing in on the feminism/stay-at-home debate

So Violent Acres has pissed off a legion of mothers and mother-defenders again. Her essay was entitled, If You Are a Stay-At-Home-Mom without Interests Outside of Your Kids, Hobbies, or Marketable Skills, You are NOT a Feminist

God, I love her. Of course, she paints with a wide stroke and seems to enjoy enraging the mommy-bloggers. Who could resist? I mean any adult who still refers to themselves as a "Mommy" should be mocked. But back to the point. The point is that choosing to be a stay-at-home-mother is not a good reason to never do anything else.

I was a stay-at-home-mother for almost five years. I loved taking care of my small children. But I never considered that important job an 18-year commitment to being at home. First of all, the domestic part almost drove me to shove Legos in my eyes. Second, I had dreams for myself that couldn't be satisfied by tending those two endearing, however demanding, children. Not to mention that children also deserve parents who don't shackle them with the "you are my whole world" millstone. Last but not least, I needed to converse regularly with other adults about anything BUT raising children.

Aside: Don't get your maternity panties in a wad, oh you stay-at-homes. Working outside the home is no indicator of feminism. I am continually amazed at how many women in positions of power (in corporate and non-profit organizations) still use the obnoxious feminine-wiles approach to management. I'm equally offended by women who mistreat/abuse their employees and hide behind feminism when someone calls them a bitch. Being a strong leader and being a cunt are not the same thing. Coquettes and Bitches do not feminism make.

holy shit, something REAL

Weasels 'n Polecats
I've come up with a ferret analogy of why some of my co-workers make me absofuckinglutely crazy. I like ferrets. Mostly from a distance and behind glass but occasionally in the flesh as well. I believe if I had to cohabitate in close quarters with them, however, I'd swell up with hives and homicidal urges. So it's a proximity thing. Once in a while a potential irritant is tolerable, perhaps even likeable. Increase the exposure to 9 hours a day with only a fabric covered divider and well, you see where I'm going with this.

Playing-nice-with-others theory aside, the fact is most days I ought to be annoyed at the mindless, spin-saturated, jargon-rife patter. It is insulting and fucks over language and meaning. It is a sacrilege to truth and direct communication. For example, a direct quote I heard with my own bleeding ears:

"[let's have them]...take a very detailed, cursory glance."

Sweartogod. And that's just the surface rash. The real carcinogens dwell beneath the surface.

When someone shovels conference room-loads of bullshit and everyone around them fawns: Isn't she smart? Isn't he corporate material? it's all I can do to keep from standing on the "desk" surface of my demoralizing miniature cube and scream, "But the Emperor is Naked and He Has a Hard-On and Why Can't You See It"?

But, you know, that way unemployment lies...and this approach would have me standing on restaurant tables, car roofs and government agency countertops and the whole thing makes me too weary to bark.

Commentaterheads
Now, the latest trend in online news is to invite the public to comment on editorials, stories and whatnot. The rationale behind this is wreathed in inclusiveness and the voice of democracy and it makes me want to puke. First of all, the impetus behind this is like the impetus behind most noble crap: money. Page clicks, in this case. Give people the ability to publish their two-cents or just read the two-cents of their "regular guy" neighbor and you get more page clicks. More page clicks attracts more advertisers. Please don't make me connect any more dots.

And there's the other part of this hot new approach that sickens me. You see, the idealistic believer in democracy who has a cube of her own in the mayhem that is my head gets pummeled whenever I read the puling, lobotomied comments. Bovine troglodytes with keyboards. Racist illiterates and simpletons manipulated by fear. The self-righteous and the smug. These are my fellow Americans (insert your own country). From these lowing masses would be chosen a jury of my peers. It's another thought that chills me into staying my hand everyday.

Is that a voice in the wilderness?
Then I read something as real and raw and bullshit-free as this blog: Violent Acres*. A woman who writes about the idiocy of the war on drugs. She tells the self-pity-free, flat-out horror story of her childhood and how the system didn't just fail her, it rubberstamped her abusers.

And I, non-believer and skeptic, understand for just a moment why people form congregations.

I love that this woman doesn't give a shit about my approval. I love that she doesn't hesitate to say riotously "unladylike" things. She's not interested in playing fact wars. She draws conclusions based on her experience and observation and can't understand why so many people can't fucking do that. She doesn't think she's a good writer and in that she's dead wrong. Her writing has power and cohesion. She doesn't invite comments. I understand that. I write for the two-dozen people I've invited to read my cerebral, foul-mouthed opinionated diatribes, and it took forever to decide to publish anything to the "world."

V, you fucking rock. And I think you're full of shit and right on.

*I wholeheartedly thank my good and anonymous friend for this gem of a link and several others. My life is richer because of you.