omnivorously yours

My good friend Eric is a vegetarian. He corrects people who brag about being carnivores that they are not carnivores, they are omnivores. Right again, my flesh-shunning friend. (Sometimes I affectionately call him soy-fucker.)

Much to the relief of friends and family, I have just finished reading The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan. I can now stop boring you with commentary about the "book I am currently reading" and race right over to waxing philosophical about the "book I just finished reading." It's a win-win for me.

But seriously, my tendency to verbosity aside, this has been one great read. It's a book about food origins, food industry and man's relationship with food. Not what some might call a page-turner but there were times I really couldn't wait to find out what happened next. I love his examination of the food industry. His willingness to face his flesh-eating nature head on--slaughtering chicken on a poultry farm or hunting boar in a forest.

The odd thing about people's reaction to my comments about this book is that they all wanted to know if I was going to become a vegetarian--as if fear of vegetarianism was a good reason to never pick up the book. Funny. I am a passionate fan of the barely cooked rib eye and fairly sure that it would take at least 2 or 3 books to pry the bloody steak knife from my hand if that is, in fact, possible. Yet even I had a moment of hesitation prior to reading lest the horrors of the food industry (and horrors they are) rob me of this and a perfectly grilled chicken breast.

But the book has changed my attitude about food. Perhaps in part because being a meat eater is not the equivalent of agreeing with the inhumane treatment of the creatures we eat. However, right now, the biggest impact for me is the consciousness of removing as many of the steps between food being harvested, caught, slaughtered and my table. The less traveled and processed the food is, the healthier it will be. I have all but eliminated prefab foods (cereal, mixes, frozen meals, etc.) and try to purchase ingredients in their rawest, freshest forms locally.

This does of course, increase my food prep time. But cheap, fast AND healthy is rare. Usually you only get two out of the three. I'm okay with the trade-off.

mini-sabbatical

I'm home sick today and yesterday. And homesick is a lovely accident of meaning. I've worked through much worse viral infections but the need to take a break was too powerful to ignore this time.

When I have the opportunity, I surround myself with as much silence as I can. No television, no radio, no music and precious little conversation. It is, without exaggeration, like gulping cold water when extremely thirsty.

I try to suspend linear thinking and guilt as much as possible. I roam from activity to activity without a road map or checklist. Read, clean, walk, write, eat, nap and think, reflect, ponder. There are moments of such clarity and focus that I feel I am on the cusp of great insight. I believe those moments eventually accumulate and become something tangible.

This smattering of thoughts produces random commentary. Like this stuff.

Ironic meets moronic
Military Inadvertently Recruits Gays (via Mombian)
You've got to love this oversight.

Riverbend returns
Riverbend of Baghdad Burning has made her first entry since escaping Iraq on September 6th. I have not written about this blog because I have been overwhelmed by how to begin. Let me just say that no blog entry but hers has ever compelled me to go back and read each post in chronological order--which spans from the beginning of the war in 2003. She is a gifted writer chronicling an enormous tragedy.

Employment or not
We received this email two days ago at work:

A staff reduction in the five percent range, through layoffs and the elimination of open positions, is scheduled for Monday and Tuesday, October 29 and 30, 2007. If you have any questions regarding this program, I encourage you to contact our Human Resources Department.

Ah, yes. So many ways to be vague. What does the five percent range mean? Do you think that by the time this letter was scanned (weird) and released as a jpg via email they didn't know who was going to get axed? Methinks not. They could have said 78 positions or 5.2% cut...which would have felt less range-y. Of course, the dates of this five percent range reduction are pretty clear. So. Is that for fair warning and preparation? Or just to make the 95%-range retained grateful and quiet after the fact? And that whole offload onto the HR Department is just hysterical. They should call HR Departments SD Departments for Spin and Dodge--so adept are they at avoiding the real questions and churning out copious amounts of (earnest-sounding, supportive-like, diversity-dripping) verbiage that answers Not. One. Question.

We are uneasily assured that the online division is not going to be impacted. But I wouldn't take that hope to the bank. I am not, however, that concerned. It is like natural disaster, prepare as well as you can and accept you don't have control over anything after that but the clean-up.

Not that the rest of us are stupid
Thanks to Dave for posting this: The Boy With The Incredible Brain
This is so phenomenal in part because captures how little we understand about our brains. Which means our intelligence potential is exponentially greater than we currently know. Yes, greater can mean more destructive, too. But I find this potential a source of great hope.
[Now if you could just show me how to embed video in my blog, Dave, I'd be very grateful. Because I lost interest after the preliminary foray into the land of how to post a video to your blog. This reassures me somehow, as the writing is more compelling for me than the technology. Of course, this from a woman who owns a pair of 1GB USB stick earrings and knows how to use them. That's 1GB per ear. And thank you Sal, for ratcheting up my geek cred.]

Corpses and calamity
Watched the fifth (final?) season of Six Feet Under recently. Overall, this has been a great show. Probing death and drama in fresh ways. Well, for the most part. I found this last season completely maddening. It gave me crisis fatigue. I became unfazed by car accidents, wild animal attacks or hints of incest. Adultery made me yawn. Nasty infighting and psychotic episodes were passé. I found myself praying for spontaneous combustion or bestiality just to stay focused. Not one person in or around that family was not on the verge of some enormous existentially-destructive event. What were the writers thinking? Anyway, the final episode was great. A little artificial in the wrap-up but novel and refreshing after the preceding apocalyptic overload.

Offspring
So as not to confuse this arena with anything vaguely mommy-bloggish or brood-motherish, I often hold back a little on kinder-commentary. However, my "baby" turned 26 this past week and both she my firstborn continue to delight and challenge in ways that astound me. This might be construed as gushing by some of you. If so, my suggestion is to go read something else right now.

For some people, having grown children with whom you can discuss fetishist subculture or share the discovery of stumbling simultaneously on the word autochthon thousands of miles away from each other--for some, this might not be a brilliant feather in their maternal cap. It is for me. Whether it's philosophy or language or criticism or art or politics or dirty jokes or a million other peculiarities of human culture, I have these two bright, insightful people who bring to me and accept from me ideas and laughter and conundrums. In an unarticulated young woman's musings, these are the children I dreamed of.

ringside seat

Saturday. The day Productivity and Introspection step into the ring. And get good and bloodied in the process. It's not a pretty fight. Nor orderly. Clean the house? Read a novel? Do everything and drop exhausted at the end of the day? Or blog about the conflict and accomplish nothing at all?

the wurst puns

Sometimes work is a fount of inspiration. This from the Wurstfest* website history page:

The first year it was “Sausage Festival”...later “Wurst Week”...and finally “Wurstfest”. What he thought would be a typical small town festival was conceived by Ed A. Grist , who was a practicing Veterinarian and City Meat Inspector.

Dr. Grist. Who midwifes Bossie's offspring and labels it Prime Veal Cutlet all in one visit. Did I mention his name was Grist?

*"The TEN Day Salute to Sausage"

read this

Today is my birthday. I came home worried/sad about work. Birthdays don't depress me but this was one of those blue days that just happened to land on my birthday. Then I read this. It jolted my life back into perspective.

congratulations doris and al

Doris, it's about time.
Al, tell them to suck on this.

fucking liars

US kills 15 women and children in Iraq
Article in Forbes today.

BAGHDAD - A US air strike north of Baghdad has killed at least 15 women and children, one of the largest losses of civilian life in a single American operation since the war began, the military said.

And the US military response?

We regret that civilians are hurt or killed while Coalition forces search to rid Iraq of terrorism, said military spokesman Major Brad Leighton.

These terrorists chose to deliberately place innocent Iraqi women and children in danger by their actions and presence.

Lying sacks of shit. Everyone is a terrorist after they're dead. They're suspected insurgents just before we shoot or torture them. Poor and deadly logic. Extremely fucked-up justification: We killed the women and children because the "terrorists" chose to hang out with their families and well, our aim sucks.

Out. Out. Hillary, you hear this? Get us the fuck out.

Those poor people. Goddammit, what are we doing?

diy

I've got rust flakes in my cleavage (such as it is) and dried caulking under my nails. My knuckles are scraped and I want to pummel the technical writer whose step-by-step instructions gloss over a critical point at step 3 which has me undoing steps 11 through 4. It's hard to understand why I love home improvement. But I know when the sink is installed and there are no drips left, I'm going to sigh my diy sigh.

epiphenita loves an epithet

From Overheard in New York
Sep 10, 2007

Tourist lady, very slowly: Uhhh, can you... Um, excuse me, can you... um, tell me where... that place downtown... I think it's, ummm...

Lady suit, interrupting: Christ on a crutch! What are you, Canadian or retarded?!

--4 train, Wall St station

From passiveaggressivenotes.com via Sir Dave-the-Widget-Whore:



It's a blessed day in foul-mouth land when two shiny new ways to swear show up like manna from cursing heaven.

Christ on a crutch I can't wait to use Soyfucker.

bravo, bravo

Luciano Pavarotti died today. He is a man who brought opera to the masses. My personal, unexpected love affair with opera was very much connected to him. Bravissimo, you incredible man.

Postscript: I wasn't going to include this since I didn't actually hear it with my own ears...but it's too good to pass on. One of my coworkers was chatting with this older woman at work who, while sweet, does not always get her facts right and she asked him, Hey, did you hear that Paparazzi died? Seriously. She really says stuff like this. It's just too good.

go iowa

(Not straw polls, silly. Homos.)

Great entry about the Iowa judge who ruled that anti-gay marriage laws are unconstitutional. For those of you philosophically opposed to clicking on the link:

...he applied the U.S. and Iowa constitutions to same sex couples precisely as worded.

The Iowa Constitution states, "The general assembly shall not grant to any citizen, or class of citizens, privileges or immunities, which, upon the same terms shall not equally belong to all citizens."

That echoes the substance of the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which holds that no state may deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Note that neither document says equal protection of the law only applies to popular parties, or to those whose lifestyle is approved of by the majority. It applies to everyone, equally. Anything else is legislated discrimination.

In response to religious arguments against the judge's ruling:

Some opponents say this is an example of the country turning its back on its Christian traditions. But that is a false assertion. The United States is not a Christian nation, and never was intended to be one.

For proof, look no further than the Treaty of Tripoli, which became the law of the land in 1797, eight years after the Constitution became effective. President John Adams, with the unanimous support of the Senate, signed the treaty, which stated in part "the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion."

...religion ought to have no impact on the law, just as the law ought to have no impact on ...religion. That's what the First Amendment says, in plain language. And it's what Americans, religious and secular alike, hold dear about our system of government.

I'm so damn proud of Iowa.

gop glop

Watching the veritable implosion of the Republican party: Rove, Gonzo, Snow, Craig, etc. is like a conservative lemming-fest, they are all but tripping over each other in their headlong rush to the cliff. Schadenfreude, despite what some of my glass-housed friends would say, is not my favorite pastime. However, when the unctuous, hypocritical and holier-than-thou take a well-earned nosedive...well, I'm going to sit on the sidelines and applaud gleefully.

Larry Methinks-the-Lady-Doth-Protest Craig read a "prepared" statement about how not-gay he was, beginning with "I want to thank you all for coming out..." One has to wonder if having that many Mormons in a state actually forces Irony to move away (anywhere but south to Utah, of course). To compound the politician's awkward denials, several blow-and-tell stories have been surfacing that indicate Minnesota's finest were not just hanging out in the john trying to pass all that cheese.

And one final (for the morning) note about the crapulence permeating Bush, et al., specifically about Condoleezza Rice, from the NY Daily News:

And while Bush sometimes introduces her as "the most powerful woman in the history of the world," he also considers her "like my sister." Thus, at a briefing, he skipped over the gory details of the rape and torture committed by Saddam Hussein's sons, explaining: "I didn't want to say [those things] in front of Condi."

Does this alarm anyone out there? That the Secretary of State is being spared the details of heinous, politically significant crimes because the President doesn't want to offend her feminine sensibilities? We come this far to be taken seriously and professionally, only to be treated like demure debutantes. This, my friends, is unfuckingbelievable.

the great land grab of aught-seven

Well, we did it. Bought the property next door after thirteen years of hoping that it would come up for sale at a time when we could more or less afford it.
Woohoo!
We're land barons.
Overlords.
In debt up to our asses but happy to have doubled our little stake here in the Houston Heights.

P.S. The Monday after the Friday closing brought dramatic electrical storms to our area of the state. Lightning struck the house diagonally across from our new acquisition. Five big-ass fire trucks, several ambulances. The occupants were all okay and the house had no serious damage. But it fucking made my heart stop. Lightning is not really one of the short-term contingencies that we've budgeted for...

overheard in new york nails it

When I'm Not Traveling with My Softball Team

Lesbo: I'm just sick of everyone stereotyping and treating people based on race, sexual orientation, or whatever.
Staight woman: Yeah, it's hard to avoid.
Lesbo: I know! And it's like 2007! Everyone's gay or lesbian. The stereotyping is everywhere -- school, the gym, work.
Straight woman: Oh, where do you work?
Lesbo: Home Depot.

--4 train

you didn't ask but here it is anyway

EPIPHENITA'S SUGGESTIONS FOR RAISING HEALTHY CHILDREN:
Communication

• Don't use baby talk. They're children, not morons.
• Get off the fucking cellphone and listen to them.
• Teach them not to whine by not paying attention until they speak without puling. Jesuschrist, I could smack the shit out of several of my coworkers' parents for giving their kids attention for whining. It's just a bad, bad habit.
• Accept that they will disagree with you. Insist that they learn to voice disagreements civilly. Which means they can tell you that you are being unfair but they can't tell you to go fuck yourself.
• After they are given a chance to communicate their objections and after you really think about what they have said, make a motherfucking decision and get on with it. It's your job. Don't continue to piss around about your decision. You will come across like the limpdick that you are.
• Don't curse around them as much I do here. But if you slip, explain that you can drive and they can't. Ditto for cursing until they learn the time-honored rules of when not to curse. (Btw, it's never "cussing." No self-respecting foulmouth calls it "cussing." For fucksake.)

Discipline

• Physical punishment is never really justifiable. It is an indicator that you've run out of ideas, not that you're doing the work of God. Resist the urge to smack them. It's not effective and sends a terrible message.
• That said, if you run out of patience and ideas and swat little Trixie's bottom, calm down and forgive yourself. She learned you have a breaking point, she will survive. If, however, you run out a patience, pick her up and consider throwing Trixie across the room: set her down and get some professional help. Immediately.
• Not hitting is not the equivalent of not disciplining. You are the goddamn parent. Stop sniveling and asking your children if it's okay that you do your job.
  
• When you take them out of the house, teach them to behave. They may be the center of your world but they need to learn that they are not the center of your fellow diners, shoppers or pedestrians' world. Curb your precious.
• If you must be on the phone, or otherwise occupied, expect them to entertain themselves without interrupting you. (Use your common sense. A 3-yr old might only be able to play quietly for 5 minutes without needing you. A 6-yr old might be able to occupy himself for 15 minutes or more.)
  
• Teach them that feeling bad for hitting their sibling with a lamp is the appropriate response. They can learn to be sorry for something without you turning guilt into some evil tool of manipulation. (My children feel I have work yet to do on this one. After all I've done for them.)
• Say you're sorry when you fuck up. But don't grovel. They don't want that much power over you.

Learning

• Turn off the TV, computer and video games REGULARLY.
• Make them play outside. Really, not virtually.
• Read to them. Make books the prize.
  
• Sing to them. They don't give a shit if your voice is scratchy and flat.
• Teach them. Science, politics, art. Expose them to ideas. Take them to experience shit firsthand: museums, zoos, government houses, industrial kitchens, etc.
• If you're so disposed, get a pet or plant a garden with them.
  
• Don't think you need religion to teach them about spirituality and ethics.
• Teach them that they are a part of a larger community. They are self-centered because that's their survival skill. It is up to us to widen their view.
  
• When they start school, impress upon them that being a student is their job. Treat their job with as much respect and high expectations that you should have for your own.
• Give them opportunities for creative play. The hackneyed example holds true: an empty appliance box may be a much better gift than a new dvd.
• Let them learn about problem solving. This means that you must back out of the picture often while they struggle.

Stereotyping

• Stop gushing over how delicate, pretty and tiny your daughter is and focus on her intelligence, strength, talents and accomplishments.
• Balance out what your son gets about "being manly" by praising his nurturing (sorry, it's a gaggy word but that's what I have) behavior. We may even get some healthy fathering out of this one.

Nutrition

• Feed them sanely. Occasionally the fast food siren song is too strong to resist. Once in a great while (I would suggest once a month is too much) go ahead and put some extruded nugget food in front of them. But for the most part, balance out their diets with as little processed, over-sugared, fat-laden food as you can. You don't have to mill your own organic rice flour, just make sure they get the four food groups as simply as possible.
• Don't allow them to become picky, whiny eaters. For the love of god, don't let them turn their noses up at vegetables while they slurp down kool-aid and eat french fries. This is your job. They will learn to enjoy healthy foods if you don't give them sugary-fat crap alternatives. And they will eat if they're hungry.

General

• Assume they will not, and should not, lead the life you wished you'd lived.
• Don't try to undo every mistake you feel your parents made. Fate will kick your ass.
• Remember that your goal is to produce an independent, secure, whole adult. Which means your goal is to make your job obsolete. Knock your ego out of the way.
  
• Laugh a lot. And if you're a hater like me, laugh hard at yourself in addition to laughing at others.
  
• Stop trying to analyze and codify (read justify) every behavior. Human beings are not that linear. Junior may be a little shit today because he woke up that way, not because he ate a fucking cookie yesterday or because his dignity was bruised when he wasn't allowed to throw his classmate off the monkey bars.
• Most of all, tell them that you think they hung the moon; that they are wonderful. Hug them. Even when they stink. Especially when they stink. Make sure they know, no matter what, that your love for them is not contingent upon anything they do or don't do (you may like them better if they do what you want, but obedience can not be the deciding factor in your love or they will become stunted little misfits).
  
  Seriously. This may be the only part that makes a difference. Children survive horrible situations intact because someone (parent, grandparent, aunt, etc.) loved them unconditionally.

Unloading all my sage advice would be cathartic, vindicating and self-righteous if I hadn't fucked up so much along the way. My children, however, seem to have weathered my failings without too many scars. In the land of realistic expectations, that screams success to me.

weighing in on the feminism/stay-at-home debate

So Violent Acres has pissed off a legion of mothers and mother-defenders again. Her essay was entitled, If You Are a Stay-At-Home-Mom without Interests Outside of Your Kids, Hobbies, or Marketable Skills, You are NOT a Feminist

God, I love her. Of course, she paints with a wide stroke and seems to enjoy enraging the mommy-bloggers. Who could resist? I mean any adult who still refers to themselves as a "Mommy" should be mocked. But back to the point. The point is that choosing to be a stay-at-home-mother is not a good reason to never do anything else.

I was a stay-at-home-mother for almost five years. I loved taking care of my small children. But I never considered that important job an 18-year commitment to being at home. First of all, the domestic part almost drove me to shove Legos in my eyes. Second, I had dreams for myself that couldn't be satisfied by tending those two endearing, however demanding, children. Not to mention that children also deserve parents who don't shackle them with the "you are my whole world" millstone. Last but not least, I needed to converse regularly with other adults about anything BUT raising children.

Aside: Don't get your maternity panties in a wad, oh you stay-at-homes. Working outside the home is no indicator of feminism. I am continually amazed at how many women in positions of power (in corporate and non-profit organizations) still use the obnoxious feminine-wiles approach to management. I'm equally offended by women who mistreat/abuse their employees and hide behind feminism when someone calls them a bitch. Being a strong leader and being a cunt are not the same thing. Coquettes and Bitches do not feminism make.

how long i have waited

When I first saw this t-shirt, I knew that someday, if I believed strongly enough in the gods of irony, I would live to see this happen:

	Amanda Lynn Bailey was arrested July 31, in Tampa, Fla., on drunk driving charges for the second time since April and was taken into custody wearing this T-shirt. She was charged with driving under the influence and driving without a license.

I have been rewarded for my faith.

queer theory applied to war

No. This isn't going to be some philosophical treatise on the heterosexism and war. (I'm not that well-researched and you're not that patient.)

The Queer Part
Here the deal. Most queer people look like, well, most straight people. With some fabulous and delicious exceptions.

Fabulous:

Delicious:

The way you change the uninformed is to inform them, right? Come out. It can be as simple as one of those ubiquitous rainbow stickers (gag, yes, but I have a variation on my vehicle), telling your cube neighbor that you are a dyke, faggot, trannie or biwhore (modify for your own world) or referring to your significant other as partner or lover or anything but my friend. (Those first three options suck, in my opinion, but not as much as the fourth. We have not come up with anything better yet, so use what you've got.)

Demystify/put a face on the boogieman. And liberate yourself in the process.

The War Part
So if this war makes you want to scream "The Emperor is NAKED and he's mowing down civilians and civil rights." Then, goddammit, come out about it. Seriously, do something. Bumpersticker. T-shirt. Letters to your congressional leaders. Send money to progressive organizations committed to change. Tell your neighbor. Protest.

I'm jaded about the political process and I'm not sure protesting on the street is the key to change. But I sure as fuck know that:

• sitting at home crying over videos of maimed Iraqi children, or
• raging silently over the revisionist bullshit pouring our of the mouth of that moron at the helm
  

isn't going to change a goddamned thing.

marriedtothesea.com

file under "i wish i'd have thought of that"

Teen:
So, this one time I got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving all the Bibles to the 'Fiction' section...
--74th & Columbus