nicknames

I recently christened Barbara's breasts "Lefty" and "Righty." Lefty was, as you know, where cancer was found not quite a year ago. Righty gave us a scare a couple of months ago. Both are fine now. (Well, they've always been fine but that's another post altogether.) Subconsciously, I came up with softball-related nicknames and in Lefty's case, a little western-flavored moniker as well. I love that these nicknames seem to fit her.

I'm not fond of public nicknames for people, as a rule. I prefer my, Barbara's and both of my children's names in their original form. But parts and inanimate objects? I love slinging appellations at those. Anthropomorphizing an object by naming it has great appeal.

I've heard women's breasts personified with foolishness and cleverness. In The Lover's Tongue, Mark Morton gives these examples of character nicknames:

• Mickey and Minnie
• Laverne and Shirley
• Lucy and Ethel
• Thelma and Louise
• Wilma and Betty

...which are all pretty delightful.

Hello boys. Have a good night's rest? I missed you.

I tease one of my friends about her enhanced set by asking about the "twins," though to be accurate, I should be asking about the "quads." A lot of women call their breasts "the girls."

For a long time I referred to my annual check-up as "Getting my 'Mamms' Grammed." Which led to me just calling them my "Mamms." Since adopting this crazy state as my own, I realize that I ignore or mock certain traditions...like certain militaristic-sounding forms of gentility. Which is why the girls have been newly christened, "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Ma'am." Left and right, respectively.

none-of-your-business names

In the long list of suspect business names out there, my personal favorite here in Houston is restaurant named Crapittos. It doesn't matter that it's family name, really. It's just not a good choice, especially for an eatery: Crap Eat Toes.

Today I found a flyer in my mailbox for a local handyman. The company name was Arreola's Construction.

(o)

Yes, I made them a nipple/breast emoticon. The extra r in the word just makes me think about a Spanish nipple...which is an odd thing because nipples so rarely speak.

Anyway, I like weird company names but I prefer when they are consciously tongue-in-cheek. With tag lines and the like:

• Arreola's: Specializing in Massage Parlor Construction.
• Let Arreola's build your Lingerie Shop
• Arreola's Construction; Your first stop for Nursing Mother Boutiques
  

the wurst puns

Sometimes work is a fount of inspiration. This from the Wurstfest* website history page:

The first year it was “Sausage Festival”...later “Wurst Week”...and finally “Wurstfest”. What he thought would be a typical small town festival was conceived by Ed A. Grist , who was a practicing Veterinarian and City Meat Inspector.

Dr. Grist. Who midwifes Bossie's offspring and labels it Prime Veal Cutlet all in one visit. Did I mention his name was Grist?

*"The TEN Day Salute to Sausage"