crabby movie review

I'm not much of a current movie kind of gal. Actually I'm not much of a gal, truth be told. But recently I saw two movies that deserve a crabby-ass review.

Bonneville
This should have been solid. Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates and Joan Allen. All three stand-up-and-applaud kind of actors. But, no. It was such a retread. Uninspired road trip search for self with your best friends and hack chance meetings of predictable strangers. I don't know. I am pretty tired of the sisterhood bonding schtick as substitute for story.

Teeth
You all know my affection for, fascination with and general squealing delight over all things Vagina Dentata. So, when friends lent us this movie for us to watch, I couldn't resist. They warned us that it wasn't very good but felt the concept was worth the perusal. They were right. Stupid movie but funny idea. It got me to thinking about related specialties. Vaginal Orthodontist (there are gynecological products called Ortho, too. I kid you not). Vaginal Periodontist (yes, Virginia, there's a period in your periodontist). Can you imagine having a cavity or overbite? Or showing off your new caps? Perhaps removable bridges for the wary guest?

I've seen some good movies too. But there are scads of reviews about them out there. Besides this is my blog, dear reader, not some fucking exercise in balanced critiquing.

subservient? my dentata.

Here's a photo of some big shot at Mattel talking to some big shot in China last year. Now, I don't give a rat's ass about the politics of manufacturing and marketing Barbie in Asia. You want that shit, you deserve it. What I found interesting about this photo is that the two female interpreters could only be more submissive-looking if they were actually kneeling on the ground whispering their English to Mandarin to English translations into the microphones. It may not have been intended but this photo looks like China's slow progress in equality between the sexes has had a few setbacks.


Submission Non-Sequitur to Shithole
Many of you know of my interest...nay, fascination, with the concept of vagina dentata. This idea dovetails with a theory about rape and victimhood that I couldn't expound upon right now (in my current state of weary), even if my very own vagina flashed its first set of choppers. My dear daughter shares this appreciation for the bizarre. Which is how I got this:

She called it butthole dentata, though I suppose that could be argued (not being much of a bear anatomist). Isn't that adorable?

back with a vengeance

It's either all or nothing with me. That's just the way I roll, my peeps. [Don't I sound like a middle-aged beige woman trying out her hipster-speak? I kill myself.]

A picture of my happy place* for the day:

godorsomebodybless marriedtothesea.com

Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus that is too goddamned funny.

Okay, I've met my New Year's Blasphemy Quota and I'm really ready for 2008 now.

*Hey! I saw some of you screw-up your faces in fear and (don't deny it, shitheads) disgust. Did you actually think I was going to flash a pic of MY "happy place"? Pearls before swine. I'd never do that...unless, of course, I had this on my [oops. not work safe-->] happy face place. That's right. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase vagina dentata. I never tire of this image. Never. It's a classic.